I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
