i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
