it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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