Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
