So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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