Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
