do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
