Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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