I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
