Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
