saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize