So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
