Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
