i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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