Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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