Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
