omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize