If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
