My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
