"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
