ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
