The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
