Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
