OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
