He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
