Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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