Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
