dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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