and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped