Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...