I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.