Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
