Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
