And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
