My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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