Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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