the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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