im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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