Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
