I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
