Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
