Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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