We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
