Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
