One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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