You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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