are you still at the devil's house?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
