do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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