I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
