I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
