Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
