Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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