Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
