Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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