dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
