Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
