I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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