Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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