do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
