Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.