Do you still have your period?
another moral hangover. fuck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
