my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.