And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
