You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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