she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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