I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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