Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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