If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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