I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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