My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Jerry, you need to find god
I think my vagina is haunted
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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