yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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