It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
