hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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