i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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