My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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