last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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