The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
