Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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