Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
